Process

I created this coil while I was listening to my friend Dawn talk during her workshop entitled: "Vocabularies of Sight and Touch, Sound and Movement, Texture and Taste: Embodying Our Words in Writing, Art, and Life".






The thing that fascinates me is that I was not "thinking" about what I was doing as I was shaping this form... at least not very much... I had initially selected a different colored (green) rectangular prism of modeling clay and suddenly remembered some beads I saw in my friend Merna's shop earlier that week when I was there with my daughter Zoe. The beads were green lady bugs... and I thought about making a lady bug (lady bugs hold a deep personal significance for me)... but I didn't want it to be green... so I returned the green bar and picked up a "red" one... because I thought I was going to make a lady bug.... As Dawn talked, I began squeezing the bar into a lump... I continued to squeeze it until I decided to punch a hole in the center and make a circle... I was trying to open the circle as far as I could without breaking the circuit I continued squeezing throughout the entire process... I didn't roll a "snake" as I would usually approach using clay like this.... The entire time my conscious mind was focused on my friend's thoughts... this was a new experience for me... to make unconsciously....






I'll insert this thought here... though I am not sure I was thinking it at the time, but prior to leaving I was talking with my daughter about going into this weekend with an open mind... there was something about openness/vulnerability that was a conscious/unconscious part of this weekend for me. I was surrounded by strangers and in an unfamiliar context and there was an ongoing sense of "listening to the Spirit's leading" as I journeyed into the weekend... I was also unsure how "open" I should/could be... but more about that in a moment....






It was important to me somehow to make the circuit as large, as open as I could... at some point the circuit kept breaking and I kept mending it and trying to make it larger and more open... I finally decided that it couldn't open any farther and began to compress the coil back onto itself... this made some interesting curves to the circuit... I kept compressing until the entire circuit could fit onto my hand... I closed the opening in the circuit by continuing to compress the coil until it was a flat shape with all the curves touching all of the other curves... no opening to speak of at the center... only the small spaces between the curved coils... as I looked at that flat shape it sort of resembled intestines to me...






I don't know at what point I recalled the ancients believed that our souls resided in our bowels... and at some point in history we began referring our "hearts", not sure what caused it to move... but the culture at large values our "brains"... all these thoughts have been rolling around inside me, but I don't know the exact chronology or sequence that they came... often we speak about moving from what we know in our heads into what we know in our hearts... somehow this circuit began to connect this disparate housing of our souls... there is a connection between brain and bowel... the life that flows through us is a continual circuit between these and encircles our hearts as well... if you think of blood flowing through this circuit... providing life energy to the entire being... there is truth embodied in this piece....






After looking at the flat shape, I decided to fold it over and enclose it into a sphere... I don't know exactly why, but later I recalled the rest of the conversation with my daughter... she had said to me (after I explained that I wanted to enter the weekend with an open mind) something to the effect of "Yes, momma, have an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out."






I looked at this shape and then someone in the group called it a brain... it was then I thought of my daughter's words to me... I wondered many times about the twofold meaning (or perhaps more) of that sentence... I found myself entering a space physically that I never imagined I would go (my friend's talk was held in the LGBT center of the MSU campus - I didn't know what those letters stood for until I saw the sign above the door with the words spelled out Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender)... many of the folks I met that weekend identified themselves as Queer... what an interesting word....






I remember discussing boundaries with one of the participants... when reflecting on my daughter's comment it seemed that openness does have a boundary... but where to set that boundary? My friend Dawn said, "Just don't set the boundary too soon." That seems important somehow....






What is trusting in the Spirit's leading? Isn't it "not setting the boundary too soon"? Will I be able to walk openly, trusting that the Spirit will carry me? Can I remain open/vulnerable and allow the Spirit to set the boundaries for me? What does that look like for me today?