Friday, February 25, 2011
Process
I created this coil while I was listening to my friend Dawn talk during her workshop entitled: "Vocabularies of Sight and Touch, Sound and Movement, Texture and Taste: Embodying Our Words in Writing, Art, and Life".
The thing that fascinates me is that I was not "thinking" about what I was doing as I was shaping this form... at least not very much... I had initially selected a different colored (green) rectangular prism of modeling clay and suddenly remembered some beads I saw in my friend Merna's shop earlier that week when I was there with my daughter Zoe. The beads were green lady bugs... and I thought about making a lady bug (lady bugs hold a deep personal significance for me)... but I didn't want it to be green... so I returned the green bar and picked up a "red" one... because I thought I was going to make a lady bug.... As Dawn talked, I began squeezing the bar into a lump... I continued to squeeze it until I decided to punch a hole in the center and make a circle... I was trying to open the circle as far as I could without breaking the circuit I continued squeezing throughout the entire process... I didn't roll a "snake" as I would usually approach using clay like this.... The entire time my conscious mind was focused on my friend's thoughts... this was a new experience for me... to make unconsciously....
I'll insert this thought here... though I am not sure I was thinking it at the time, but prior to leaving I was talking with my daughter about going into this weekend with an open mind... there was something about openness/vulnerability that was a conscious/unconscious part of this weekend for me. I was surrounded by strangers and in an unfamiliar context and there was an ongoing sense of "listening to the Spirit's leading" as I journeyed into the weekend... I was also unsure how "open" I should/could be... but more about that in a moment....
It was important to me somehow to make the circuit as large, as open as I could... at some point the circuit kept breaking and I kept mending it and trying to make it larger and more open... I finally decided that it couldn't open any farther and began to compress the coil back onto itself... this made some interesting curves to the circuit... I kept compressing until the entire circuit could fit onto my hand... I closed the opening in the circuit by continuing to compress the coil until it was a flat shape with all the curves touching all of the other curves... no opening to speak of at the center... only the small spaces between the curved coils... as I looked at that flat shape it sort of resembled intestines to me...
I don't know at what point I recalled the ancients believed that our souls resided in our bowels... and at some point in history we began referring our "hearts", not sure what caused it to move... but the culture at large values our "brains"... all these thoughts have been rolling around inside me, but I don't know the exact chronology or sequence that they came... often we speak about moving from what we know in our heads into what we know in our hearts... somehow this circuit began to connect this disparate housing of our souls... there is a connection between brain and bowel... the life that flows through us is a continual circuit between these and encircles our hearts as well... if you think of blood flowing through this circuit... providing life energy to the entire being... there is truth embodied in this piece....
After looking at the flat shape, I decided to fold it over and enclose it into a sphere... I don't know exactly why, but later I recalled the rest of the conversation with my daughter... she had said to me (after I explained that I wanted to enter the weekend with an open mind) something to the effect of "Yes, momma, have an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out."
I looked at this shape and then someone in the group called it a brain... it was then I thought of my daughter's words to me... I wondered many times about the twofold meaning (or perhaps more) of that sentence... I found myself entering a space physically that I never imagined I would go (my friend's talk was held in the LGBT center of the MSU campus - I didn't know what those letters stood for until I saw the sign above the door with the words spelled out Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender)... many of the folks I met that weekend identified themselves as Queer... what an interesting word....
I remember discussing boundaries with one of the participants... when reflecting on my daughter's comment it seemed that openness does have a boundary... but where to set that boundary? My friend Dawn said, "Just don't set the boundary too soon." That seems important somehow....
What is trusting in the Spirit's leading? Isn't it "not setting the boundary too soon"? Will I be able to walk openly, trusting that the Spirit will carry me? Can I remain open/vulnerable and allow the Spirit to set the boundaries for me? What does that look like for me today?
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
A Good Reminder to Me Today
Humble yourselves... endure suffering... receive grace
1 Peter 5: 9b: "...because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."
We are not alone in this life... even if we don't know all those who are fellow sufferers... and it really is only for a little while... even if our perceptions of time while in the midst of our suffering seems interminable....
Sunday, February 20, 2011
A Poem in Response to Embodying Our Words
I am here today
replete with all my fears
and limitations
a tangled mess of
longings
desire
knowledge and ignorance
I belong here_ today_
in this space
I am sure that I am the
beloved
I am unsure how to BE
the beloved
Here_ now_ in THIS
time/space
where I BE-long
I BE-long wherever
I am
fearful
uncertain
or sure
it does not matter
for though I am matter
I am also spirit
timeless...
boundless...
yet temporarily
confined
to this time
to this space
these physical limitations
are gift
Labels:
Being,
embodying our words,
matter,
Spirit,
vulnerability
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Magic and Faithlessness and God's Pain
This morning as I was reading in 2 Kings and noticed that many of the kings were identified along with the names of their mothers... I found that interesting since women are rarely mentioned in the Bible... and it seems through this period of history there was an Ashera pole that was erected in Samaria (which seems to be the seat of power for the northern kingdom of Israel). I wonder if the influence of that practice affected the records of the kings' names in relationship to their mothers since Asherah was a goddess that was worshipped there at that time...?
I also noticed that after Elisha's death, there is a story of some people burying a man in haste because of the raiders in the land. They threw the body of the man in Elisha's tomb and when his body touched the bones of Elisha he "came to life and stood up on his feet"... I don't know what to make of this... Elisha was a powerful man of God and even after his death his bones could work miracles???
Throughout the reading today (2 Kings 13-15) and the passages prior, I noticed that none of the kings ever fully repented and turned back to God and destroyed the Ashera pole(s) and the golden calves where the people were worshipping... and it seems that the northern and southern kingdoms are fighting each other... and they are getting whittled away by foreign kings and kingdoms.... But God still honors His promises and doesn't fully wipe out the line of David... He also seems to take note of their suffering and provides them with relief (at least some relief) despite their faithlessness to Him....
How painful to see Him continue to be gracious to these people, I can't imagine the pain it caused/causes Him as people continue to choose other gods instead of Him... how do I do that? How do I choose myself/my comfort over Him? I long to offer Him my whole heart... not just what is easy to give....
Labels:
faithlessness,
giving,
God's pain,
magic,
whole heart
Friday, February 11, 2011
"Random" Thoughts on Humility
Elijah is still calling down fire from heaven... consuming two companies of fifty men with their captains... the third captain fell on his knees before Elijah and begged that he respect his life and the life of his men... humility appears in the story again... and God spoke and told Elijah to go with them... their lives were spared.
My husband was reading Proverbs 11 this morning. He tells me that his father used to read Proverbs every day... since there are 31 chapters today is the day for the 11th... pretty good idea. In verse 2 it says: "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."
I watched a video this morning on the TED website of Stacey Kramer speaking of a gift she had received... her humility is moving.
How do I move into and through my day with this perspective? How do I embrace humility? How do I see my suffering as a gift from God and embrace whatever comes my way?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
My Response to God Matters in the Story Line
Today I am noticing God's response to an evil man's humility... God had determined that Ahab was going to die and that He would wipe out his entire line... as He had done to two other kings that had been evil before him. It was surprising though, that when Ahab had heard this he humbled himself and went around "meekly":
1 Kings 21:27 "When Ahab heard these words, he tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and fasted. He lay in sackcloth and went around meekly."
Ahab had had a man killed because he wanted his land for a garden... he had already disobeyed God and let a man live whom God wanted put to death and then took a life for his own selfish ends....
God was still determined to carry out what He had decreed, but He delayed the worst of it until after Ahab's death... He would wait to send the full judgement on his son, who was next in line to be king, simply because Ahab had humbled himself.
It appears that though evil mars the glory of God, He will, in His timing, still accomplish His purposes... and He somehow allows our response to Him to affect the story He is trying to tell... when Ahab behaves in an evil way he isn't representing the heart of God... so God must act... but when he humbles himself God shows His mercy... reveals His heart in the story....
It amazes me that we can have an interaction with God despite how evil we are....
My head is full of questions... What does God want us to see about Himself here? How does humility/recognizing God as God and me in my proper perspective affect my day to day? Wouldn't repentance be better than simply being humbled?
It seems that in God's story, He allows room for me and my evil fallen ways... and my response to God DOES matter... how will I respond to what He sends to me today?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
It's God's Story
1 Kings 20:28 The man of God came up and told the king of Israel, “This is what the LORD says: ‘Because the Arameans think the LORD is a god of the hills and not a god of the valleys, I will deliver this vast army into your hands, and you will know that I am the LORD.’”
It appears that sometimes God does things because He wants to correct what people think of Him (show who He really is)... not necessarily who the key players are or what they have done... He gives Ahab the victory, not because of who Ahab is (he is married to Jezebel who had set up worship of other gods in Israel and had "all" the prophets of God slaughtered... except for the two 50s hidden in caves and Elijah hiding in the ravine and with that widow....) but because of who God is... and what people believed about Him.
God is telling His story and He moves accordingly... it isn't about us... it's far greater than us and our understanding.
Earlier in 1 Kings 16:15 it says "In the twenty-seventh year of Asa king of Judah, Zimri reigned in Tirzah seven days." Why so short a reign?
If you read the surrounding story... God had decided to carry out judgement on the house of Baasha. He apparently chose Zimri to enact that... Here is some of the backstory: "12 So Zimri destroyed the whole family of Baasha, in accordance with the word of the LORD spoken against Baasha through the prophet Jehu—." He appeared to be doing what God wanted... but he ended up setting fire to the palace with himself still in it.
So he died and the passage tells us it is because of the sins that he had committed... God is using sinful people to do what He needs for the story to move forward.
I have trouble getting my simple mind around the complexity of these stories... I've lived with far simpler thinking "do what's right and God blesses" but these stories challenge my limited perspective... there is a greater backstory... I wonder how often the "key players" are unaware... like Job when Satan approaches God... the whole conversation that affects his life is "offstage" and the key player isn't in on it... At least I think of Job as the key player... and perhaps it's my limited understanding that is the problem... how often does God move to tell His story and I get in the way? How often do I hinder the story by not submitting to what I perceive as "unjust" treatment... I deserve better or "they are in the wrong"... instead of listening for the Spirit and remaining vulnerable.
It appears that sometimes God does things because He wants to correct what people think of Him (show who He really is)... not necessarily who the key players are or what they have done... He gives Ahab the victory, not because of who Ahab is (he is married to Jezebel who had set up worship of other gods in Israel and had "all" the prophets of God slaughtered... except for the two 50s hidden in caves and Elijah hiding in the ravine and with that widow....) but because of who God is... and what people believed about Him.
God is telling His story and He moves accordingly... it isn't about us... it's far greater than us and our understanding.
Earlier in 1 Kings 16:15 it says "In the twenty-seventh year of Asa king of Judah, Zimri reigned in Tirzah seven days." Why so short a reign?
If you read the surrounding story... God had decided to carry out judgement on the house of Baasha. He apparently chose Zimri to enact that... Here is some of the backstory: "12 So Zimri destroyed the whole family of Baasha, in accordance with the word of the LORD spoken against Baasha through the prophet Jehu—." He appeared to be doing what God wanted... but he ended up setting fire to the palace with himself still in it.
So he died and the passage tells us it is because of the sins that he had committed... God is using sinful people to do what He needs for the story to move forward.
I have trouble getting my simple mind around the complexity of these stories... I've lived with far simpler thinking "do what's right and God blesses" but these stories challenge my limited perspective... there is a greater backstory... I wonder how often the "key players" are unaware... like Job when Satan approaches God... the whole conversation that affects his life is "offstage" and the key player isn't in on it... At least I think of Job as the key player... and perhaps it's my limited understanding that is the problem... how often does God move to tell His story and I get in the way? How often do I hinder the story by not submitting to what I perceive as "unjust" treatment... I deserve better or "they are in the wrong"... instead of listening for the Spirit and remaining vulnerable.
How do I love in the midst of the story when it isn't about me or what I want?
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
The Nature of Evil
On Sunday we were discussing a quote from Jon Piper about the nature of evil. Here is an excerpt:
God did not just overcome evil at the cross. He made evil serve the overcoming of evil. He made evil commit suicide in doing its worst evil. Evil is anything and everything opposed to the fullest display of the glory of Christ. That's the meaning of evil.
I am to always reveal the glory of Christ... in its fullness... anything that I do that promotes myself interferes with His glory... anything and everything....
Just what does that mean?
How am I to live with an awareness of His Spirit of Love flowing through me... or might I be unaware at times, but still fighting the good fight of faith?
What does it mean to "fight the good fight of the faith" for me today?
The Gentle Whisper of Invisible Truth
Today I reread the story of Elijah running from Jezebel. I noticed that God showed up and fed him in order to strengthen him on his way... but when he gets to that place (40 miles away) God asks him "What are you doing here?" I find it interesting that Elijah begins to whine about his situation and God reveals something to him about Who He really is... despite the fact that he has run away in fear and is pretty self-absorbed... He shows him wind and earthquakes and fire... but He is in the gentle whisper.
God helps him by feeding him and then revealing Himself to Elijah... and what was it that God wanted him to know about Him?
He was in the gentle whisper.... He asks again "What are you doing here Elijah?" Elijah says his whiny thing again and God just tells him to go back to work... and also tells him that there are more people than he knows about who are for the Lord... seven thousand in fact.
I wonder in my fear, where it is that I run to? How my perspective (I am the ONLY one I whine) affects what I perceive as true and therefore my actions... I wonder what it means for me today to live by faith in that invisible Truth... that Gentle Whisper?
Labels:
fear,
gentle whisper,
invisible truth,
running,
whining
Monday, February 7, 2011
Of Miracles in Hearts and Gentle Whispers
Today I was reading the story of the flash and fire that Elijah called down from heaven in his dual against the prophets of Baal. One little line in that passage that I hadn't noticed before caught my attention today.
Elijah is ready to call down the fire from heaven to consume his thrice drenched offering and he says in his prayer: Answer me, LORD, answer me, so that these people will know that you, LORD, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again.
Which is the miracle here? It seems to me a far greater thing that God intervenes to change hearts than that there is a fancy display of power... it is amazing that He decides to act and illustrate His story this way... in the next chapter He reveals Himself to Elijah... not in the wind or earthquake or fire, but in the gentle whisper....
Help me, O Lord, to attend to that gentle whisper today.... Continue to turn my heart to the pathways that lead to Your Kingdom here on earth.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
The Trust of a Starving Widow
I've been reading in 1 Kings 17 about the time when there was famine in the land and God was directing Elijah to go stay with a widow... what interests me in this story right now was... who was this widow that God would select her? What kind of person was she that He took notice of her to provide for her during this terrible time of suffering?
The passage says, "I have directed a widow to supply you with food." How did He do that? Was it something direct and audible or was it an inclination in her heart (a lifelong practice) to take care of others before herself? Did God know He could trust her to "do the right thing"?
The first thing she says to Elijah is that she has no bread only a little flour and oil that she is gathering sticks to make her last meal. I wonder what her attitude was? She didn't seem bitter... she actually follows Elijah's instructions and provides something for him to eat... how did she still have hope/faith that his words would come true? Did she really believe that she would be able to have endless flour and oil... did she think "Well, I have nothing to lose" or was there another thought... something else, something more grounded in trust?
Did she believe in her spirit, in her very being... that it was what she needed to do... to feed this weary traveler from the little she had... barely enough for a last meal for she and her son before they would die? Did this come from a lifetime of practicing to sacrifice for the sake of others? Did she trust in his promises? Believe that his words were from God for her? Did she hope this was His hand providing for her?
Was this the attitude of her heart that God entrusted her with the care of Elijah? Did He even need to speak to her directly or did He simply know that He could count on her to live vulnerably and pour out for others?
What kind of woman was this? Is it possible for me to live in such a way that God could entrust His plans and His people to me as well?
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