This morning during our pre-service discussion time we were sorting the Kingdom of God and the Kingdom of Money by using one word descriptors... one thought that came to me as I sat there was that the Kingdom of God requires me to be fully "Alive" to experience life... ALL of it... the grief, the suffering and the pain as well as joy... however, when I am operating in the Kingdom of Money I can anesthetize myself and feel much less of those things... the temptation to satisfy/comfort myself with things around me is far too great... the discipline required to "stay engaged in the moment" and feel whatever there is to be experienced at the time (ache or longing of any kind) is often more trouble than I perceive it to be worth... the hidden trade off is that when I numb any of the "negative emotions" I also cut off any feelings of deep joy that might be there to be experienced... I cannot pick and choose which emotions to feel and not feel when I am engaged in numbing or comforting myself.
I thought of the image of a heartbeat as displayed on a monitor... the sharp spike up and immediately downward followed by several smaller ups and downs... the idea that our lives should follow that pattern to be alive... it certainly shouldn't be a flatline... that's what happens when you die... being alive means I'll feel not a constant steady "hum" of emotion, but ups and downs, some of them intense most of them less so.... why do I spend so much of my time trying to control those spikes? Why can't I just "lean into it" and let it be whatever it is at any given moment? Why do I trade away all joy in order to not feel the disappointment and grief given to me each day? Why do I see vulnerability as my enemy?
Perhaps another word for the Kingdom of God column would be Vulnerability and the word for the Kingdom of Money would be...Numbness?
No comments:
Post a Comment