How Deep Does the Rabbit Hole Go?

Hmmm.... How do I frame this mornings "meanderings" in my mind... I feel like I should start with a confession... my family is a mess... my home is neglected... my relationships here are shallow and mostly empty of meaning... what have I done to contribute to this? Nothing... really, I mean that nothing... I come home from work and the subtle demand it that I've had a rough day... true but still no excuse for not being "present"... what am I "giving up" for Lent... that question bothers me a bit... it really isn't about what I need to give up so much as what I need to engage in... I guess I'd say I'm giving up my demand for a break and instead... looking for ways to engage. Many nights I find each of my family members "engaged" in one form of electronic media or another... sadly we have enough options at our house that all five of us can be doing something separately (TV, gaming, computers)... I think we are pretty good at having meals together, most nights... (so I can compare myself to others and feel proud of that) but I look around at our "family life" and I wonder at the depth of relationship that we might know... wonder what we're missing... I'm guilty of being "too tired" to ask that question... or other questions from each of them....

Pray for me.

False Sense of Community

I am wondering what television programs provide for us emotionally that we should be giving towards REAL people in our families and communities.... I just remember one evening about 13 years ago when I was pregnant with Joe, I was going to bed earlier than usual. When David came to bed he woke me up to tell me "Carol lost her job." I was immediately awake and concerned about this tragedy... and a bit disoriented from just waking up... I remember saying or feeling "Oh NO!" and then asked "Who is Carol?" He reminded me that she was a nurse on the program ER. I was an avid fan prior to my last trimester and had lost touch with the people in the show from retiring to bed so early. I remember  my shock at the intensity of the emotion that he displayed and that I initially felt when I discovered that someone we cared about had lost their job... only to remember that this person really didn't exist.... I remember feeling that something was terribly wrong here and I felt robbed, cheated by having David come to me for comfort of some kind for this false sense of grief. 

Recently we were discussing this idea of a false sense of community that we seem to have created for ourselves electronically... and I wonder what we are missing out on, what we are robbing from those to whom we should be giving our time, attention and concern by giving that energy to these other places...?

Pain and Suffering That Frees Us to Love

My thoughts today are about how God speaks to me in my day to day experience. He helps me see truth through the eyes of those He has placed near me. I had a very difficult day on Monday dealing with some angry parents. They were unkind (A gracious interpretation of the way they accused me and the words they launched as weapons) and I went home angry, frustrated and wondering if there was another job I could find... 

The next morning I fell on the ice. Twice. My immediate reaction was to get angry with David. It really wasn't his fault... and somewhere deep down I knew this so I kept silent in my anger. He (OF COURSE) noticed this and we talked about it. It was through this discussion that we speculated about the parents who were angry with me the day before. Could it be that they were in deep pain and felt anger that they needed to direct at someone nearby? God used this to soften my heart towards them. For this I am grateful even with my stiffness and bashed knee as I walk into today.