Friends and Enemies, Enemies and Friends

I was reading this morning in 2 Samuel a story about a woman whose grief was so great for her sons and nephews that she stayed beside their dead bodies day and night for months in order to chase the birds and wild animals away from them....

The back story is in 2 Sam. 21. There is a famine in the land for 3 years, David asks God what to do about it and He tells them it is "on account of Saul and his blood-stained house; it is because he put the Gibeonites to death." David then asks the Gibeonites what he would have them to do for them and they ask for 7 of Saul's descendants to be put to death and exposed on a hill. Rizpah is the mother of two of them. She spreads sackcloth on a rock "from the beginning of harvest until the rain poured down from heaven on the bodies, she did not let the birds touch them by day or the wild animals by night." When David hears about it, he gets the bones of Saul (the father of her children) and Jonathan as well as gathering up the bones of these 7 men and buries them for her.

The interplay of justice and mercy in this story is incredible. The extent of discomfort to which this woman would place herself for those she loved (and they were dead) is impressive. Sackcloth is pretty rough... I like my cotton sheets... on a rock... I like my soft bed... day and night... I like my sleep....

I also find David's compassion here very beautiful. He is the one who has ordered this be done, but he also is moved by her grief and responds by not only burying those she is tending, but going to recover the bones of her family so that they can all be "laid to rest."

All of this for Saul's family after David had suffered so much at the hand of Saul.

These extremes make an impression for me... I so rarely allow myself to feel discomfort for those who are living with me in the present moment....

I wonder at what I am being called to embrace here?

Accepting Curses from Others as from God

Today I was reading that David fled when Absalom took power and on his way out of town, Shimei curses him while throwing stones and dirt... David's men want to go after him and David stops them. He says: "If he is cursing because the LORD said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who can ask, ‘Why do you do this?’... Leave him alone; let him curse, for the LORD has told him to. ¹² It may be that the LORD will look upon my misery and restore to me his covenant blessing instead of his curse today.” (Emphasis mine)

Wow... how often do I look at those who are giving me a hard time and say... this might be from the Lord? What kind of perspective does one have of God that allows him or her to walk through life embracing whatever comes along... that allows a person to live at peace in the world?

I long to know more of Him, that I might embrace Him and His ordering of my life.

Amazing Love the Father has for His Son

I was reading 2 Samuel 13 - 15 this morning... I was struck by the contrasts between King David and his son Absalom. In this story, Absalom has a daughter, Tamar, who is raped by her brother... Absalom plots for two years in silence until he gets revenge and kills his brother Amnon. He then flees until the king's advisor, Joab gets the king to recall him. Absalom then works to "win the heart of the people" and eventually takes the kingdom from David, who flees the city. Throughout this whole story I am amazed at the heart of David towards his son and the son's continual plotting and taking for himself... I haven't yet reread the part about Absalom's death, but I remember how David mourned for him... what an incredible love this father had for his son... despite the wretched things that son did to his own brother and father... what a picture of amazing love.

Being Fully Alive

This morning during our pre-service discussion time we were sorting the Kingdom of God and the Kingdom of Money by using one word descriptors... one thought that came to me as I sat there was that the Kingdom of God requires me to be fully "Alive" to experience life... ALL of it... the grief, the suffering and the pain as well as joy... however, when I am operating in the Kingdom of Money I can anesthetize myself and feel much less of those things... the temptation to satisfy/comfort myself with things around me is far too great... the discipline required to "stay engaged in the moment" and feel whatever there is to be experienced at the time (ache or longing of any kind) is often more trouble than I perceive it to be worth... the hidden trade off is that when I numb any of the "negative emotions" I also cut off any feelings of deep joy that might be there to be experienced... I cannot pick and choose which emotions to feel and not feel when I am engaged in numbing or comforting myself.

I thought of the image of a heartbeat as displayed on a monitor... the sharp spike up and immediately downward followed by several smaller ups and downs... the idea that our lives should follow that pattern to be alive... it certainly shouldn't be a flatline... that's what happens when you die... being alive means I'll feel not a constant steady "hum" of emotion, but ups and downs, some of them intense most of them less so.... why do I spend so much of my time trying to control those spikes? Why can't I just "lean into it" and let it be whatever it is at any given moment? Why do I trade away all joy in order to not feel the disappointment and grief given to me each day? Why do I see vulnerability as my enemy?

Perhaps another word for the Kingdom of God column would be Vulnerability and the word for the Kingdom of Money would be...Numbness?

Interconnectedness?

I am very confused... I read the passage in 2 Sam. 22 where God gets angry at Israel and "incited David against them"... so David takes a census, which is apparently a bad thing because he became conscience-stricken and says to God "I have sinned greatly in what I have done. Now, LORD, I beg you, take away the guilt of your servant. I have done a very foolish thing." So God gives him three options and he chooses to "fall into the hands of the LORD, for His mercy is great; but do not let me fall into human hands" so it sounds like either famine or plague and God allows the plague (because it is shorter in duration I wonder?)... so God lets the plague ravage everyone until it reaches Jerusalem and then stops it... and David is offering the sacrifice and the LORD answers his prayer on behalf of the land... but the timing is weird... God stops the angel before we hear about David offering the sacrifice... this "dance" between God's feelings, David's responses and the decisions about what will come "next" seems confusing to me... God was angry, He incites David, David reacts, he repents, God offers choices of consequences, David offers the decision back to God, God acts and then limits the destruction, David offers sacrifice and prayer and God answers his prayer... back and forth between the two of them... cause and effect? It doesn't seem like it.. at least not like I usually think about causality... but there is definitely an interaction between these two... some kind of interconnectedness with God's heart and David's actions, choices, submission to His story... I wonder....

Bearing the Burden of the Consequences of My Choices

Today I am reading in 1st Samuel that Saul is angry that the priests have helped David so he orders one of his men to strike them down. Some of them refused but Doeg the Edomite followed orders and killed all of the priests of God for helping David... also killing everyone in the town of Nob... infants were included....

One man was able to escape and fled to David... and what does David say? "I am responsible for the deaths of your family." He knew that Doeg would go to Saul and tell on the priests and so he claims responsibility for the slaughter... unbelievable....

How does one see the hand of God and trust Him in such a way as to accept the burden of one's choices with all of the consequences?

Am I willing to bear the pain of others that my own choices cause?

Wondering about THE Story line....

This week I've been reading through 1st Samuel and can't help but wonder about some things... God clearly wanted to rule over His people, but they begged for a king... how that must have hurt Him to be rejected by them, but He provided a king for them anyway... it goes on later to say He regretted making Saul king over Israel... I wonder how that works... God who doesn't change His mind does seem to have regrets....

Seems like He keeps giving despite His own personal pain.

I'm in the part of the story now where Saul is being tormented by an evil spirit sent by God... and David has been given the Spirit of God... and watching the story unfold with these dynamics is puzzling... the most I can seem to glean at this point is that God is telling a story and He has something to reveal about who He is (despite our responses to Him) and so He orchestrates things with fallen people to achieve His purposes....

Makes me wonder what He is up to... what is it He is trying to say about Himself and what is my role in His ongoing tale?

I wonder how I might live to bring Him less pain... or better yet some joy?