I have been praying this before I get out of bed in the mornings on most days. It seems that I need this moment to refocus before I can move and face the day.
Here are my thoughts on and my favorite way to pray the Lord's Prayer:
Our father which are in heaven
Recently we were challenged with the question, "Where is heaven?" As a younger child I used to think of it "way out there somewhere high above us…unreachable, unattainable, far away, distant." Now I think of it in more science-fictiony terms as permeating or THROUGH us. Almost like the idea of an invisible fourth dimension that exists in the same space as us, but not the same time…a timeless reality that is alongside, but not immediately perceptible by us. So I try to acknowledge his "WITH US-NESS" and focus on his immediacy and the intimacy of his FATHER-NESS…and wrap myself up in a hug, being held by him. "Daddy hold me."
Hallowed be thy name
Hallowed or holy means "OTHER" not like us…actually love unlike we've ever known. God is love. I like to say it to him "you are love, not like any other love we've ever known or will ever know, true love, sacrificial, "for" us, more than we could ever ask or imagine love to be…YOU are love."
I also insert a piece of St. Patrick's prayer in here as well to remind me of my need for his presence in my life.
"I bind myself today to the Trinity."
This is my way of promising or renewing my vows to commit myself to him.
Your kingdom come
This part I see as an invitation for him to "invade" me, fill me with his spirit, permeate my being with himself, his love.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
This is where I ask him to "flow through me into the day and the people I meet." That he would allow me to be the face of Jesus to others. Help me to not get in the way and be an unobstructed conduit of his goodness, his presence.
I often say words such as: have your way with me, flow through me, pour out your life into others.
Give us this day our daily bread
Jesus told us he was the bread of life. He also said he needed to leave in order to send his spirit to us. I think of these words as I pray this part. I used to think of the physical food as being provided by him and this is also true, but my focus has been the bread that feeds my soul and the souls of others. I often say words such as: help me to listen for the voice of your spirit, and help me to obey that voice when I hear it.
Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us
Up until this point the prayer is easy to me. It helps me focus all that I long for on him and resonates as true. The rest of the prayer feels like hard work to me. I am not there yet. I don't forgive others and I don't want the consequences of not forgiving. I have flipped the actual words to acknowledge my inability to do as he asks. I need him to be able to offer any kind of grace to others who have hurt me or wronged me. I often murder them in my thoughts (and sometimes my words) with my anger. I am SO desperately in need of grace and forgiveness and redemption. What a miracle that he invites me to participate in the ministry of reconciliation, when I still, daily need to be reconciled myself. These are the words I say: help me forgive, I don't forgive well…and certainly nothing like you forgive.
And lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from the evil one
I am still wondering about this part. I wonder about the things that tempt me away from the place of being in right relationship (righteousness) to him. I wonder how my choices affect that kingdom flow through me and the experience of his presence. I don't think I deeply understand or believe how all this works, that my choices have that great an impact. I pray this as an acknowledgement of my need yet again: help me to refrain from believing the lies, indulging my self and ignoring the suffering of others believing it's not my problem.
For yours is the kingdom
And the power
And the glory forever
It truly is all about you, help me to be about your kingdom today. Thank you for letting me be a part.
According to Matthew 23, greed and self-indulgence are the opposite of justice and mercy and faithfulness...what does that mean in my story? How do I, like the woman at the well, fill my emptiness, my thirst, with things other than you?
How might denying myself, instead of indulging, help me to move towards true justice and mercy and faithfulness?
What might my eyes see that they are currently blinded to by my self-indulgence?
How might your Spirit within me be freed to pour out love and life towards others?
What choices can I make today to experience this truth?
"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing will come from the Lord,…." Acts 3:19
Turn to God. How do I do that?
Is it a 90 degree movement of my head and heart from the path I see ahead, that I am choosing to walk, to turn to him at either my right (probably) or left side and look full at him, not at what is in front of me, not at what I think I need to DO or choose or consume my time/energy with, to turn to him?
Is it really that simple? Are you really RIGHT THERE beside me?
All I need do is turn, forsake my own knowledge/understanding and lean on you? Lean into you? Just LOOK at you? Refocus my gaze on you and what you are about than on MY (path/choices/agenda/wisdom/knowledge/schedule/to do list/understanding)???
Really, that's ALL?
That is everything you require of me?
If you truly are everything to me, what else should I be looking at/focusing on/choosing? If you truly ALL that matters, why not look only, always, ever at you?
"Turn your eyes upon Jesus/ look full in his wonderful face/ and the things of earth will grow strangely dim/ in the light of his glory and grace."
The words of the song reflect something of this truth.
We often hear the saying, "God is good."
While I don't deny the truth of that, a phrase that comforts me more is, "God is God."
I think that my notion of what is "good for me" gets tangled in the truth.
For some reason saying, "God is God" reminds me of his holiness,
his "other"ness.
He is not like us, he is love…
and not our understanding of what love is or what we think would be loving.
This calls me to something MORE…the question of "who is this God?"
Yes, I think he is good and loving, but perhaps my understanding of those words are inaccurate…it is worth considering WHO he is.
It is now December...I just reread the post I wrote in July and was thinking how grateful I am for the small ways in which he invites me to search for him...that I have opportunities to see him in the world all around me….
Here is another unpublished draft dated Dec. 4th, 2013. Already I see the change in perspective from practicing thanking God for things each day.
I've taken up the challenge of thanking God each day for His small gifts to me...I want to form the spiritual discipline of being attentive…
This post was created as a draft on July 13, 2012 but never published…found it today and was amazed that I have been working at this practice of gratefulness for over two years…and my life has changed…I have changed, for that I am truly grateful!
Well, if I wait a few more days it will be a whole year since I wrote anything on this blog...strange to look back over the year and take stock of what has happened...where I am in the journey...new boss, new co-workers, new way of doing my job and being with people in it...Trent is in Chicago for the summer as an intern at a major corporation in his field and has had a phone interview with the major player in computers and electronic devices...we are at a major transition point in his story...he will enter his senior year at Purdue this fall...and shortly become engaged and then inevitably he will be married...it is a change that I feel so many complex emotions about...grateful for the opportunities and the wonderful woman he has chosen...sad to have him gone from my life and uncertain about what the next stage will be like for him and for myself and David...will we experience loss of being connected to him and his story...what will that loss look and feel like? Zoe is working at the gallery here in Winona Lake...and is spending one day a week with her Joe either here or in his hometown 1 and 1/2 hours away...she will go to her second year at college this fall...studying studio art...my Joe...our Joe is entering his Junior year...only a short step from his senior year, graduation and leaving for college himself...we are on the brink of the empty nest...emptiness was the topic on Sunday at church the image I received was of vessels being made of clay and situated in sand...we were made to be empty...to receive...and perhaps to be filled before pouring out to fulfill out intended purpose...somehow Adam and Eve punctured the design...some might say "ruined" the usefulness of the containers...I wondered if God uses those flaws to pour THROUGH us somehow...so that we are constantly leaking the Spirit of God...and yet never feeling full...never experiencing fullness...what if faith is believing that he is at work through us even though we do not experience him? We might never feel the fullness that he might have initially intended due to the sin-hole that drains away the felt presence of God...yet we know he is in us...he constantly pours out himself for the good of all...what if we try to plug that hole with all the wrong things and for all the wrong reasons? What if we simply accept that we are broken...allow the experience of our emptiness to draw us to the truth? That his Spirit is at work in us and in the world...that our God is bigger than our experience of him...what might it mean to embrace the brokenness and trust the outpouring of the Spirit and not interfere by trying to plug up the hole so we wouldn't experience the emptiness? What might it be like to enter into the process with him? Might we see the leaky hole differently? Could it be possible to stop avoiding emptiness and call it good? Might we tune in to the flow of the Spirit through us and sense his presence somehow? Might there be a way to embrace the process without knowing the outcomes? We know the ultimate outcome...but it takes faith to trust in him when we do not experience any of it or of him in the moment.
